Invisible Pressure and Identity
Guest User
· by miyukiphd
· (Originally posted) October 10, 2018
Stereotype is our over-generalised and over-simplified beliefs and it allows us to take a cognitive shortcut to comprehend our experience quickly to prepare our decision and behaviour. So, stereotyping sounds very effective to survive (e.g., smoke = danger = evacuate etc.). However, stereotypes can also generate prejudice and discrimination. Regardless of our ages, we are exposed to invisible stereotypes (e.g., age, sex, race, physical features etc.) in our society. This experience is not always positive, and I would like to talk about how stereotype can affect our identities.
When I was living in Japan, I was never scared of public speech. Rather, I liked to talk in public, as it was part of my growing up via my childhood hobbies of the piano, drama, student council, and sports. Because of my behavioural tendency, I was always labelled as an “active, tomboy, and/or social” child and, even after my teenage where I chose to be less “extraverted”, no one thought I was “shy”. However, since living in Australia, my strengths and limitations have changed, and accordingly, how others perceived me has changed, too. For example, because of the language and cultural barrier, I am no longer able to offer the breadth of conversational topics in English. In addition, the definition of “social” is very different between countries. Furthermore, I started being perceived as an Asian (and Japanese if they know my nationality) woman, rather than “me”. Because of these factors, people I met in Australia tend to see me as “shy” and “introverted”. And funnily enough, once people started seeing me in this way, I started questioning myself if I am shy and behaving like a shy person! These experiences made me rethink my identity. It is easily imagined that this type of experience is happening to everyone, especially those who are social figures. Also, children are not exempt from this.
I have two sons, and I provided the opportunities for them to freely choose their toys, clothes, shoes etc. within healthy boundaries when they were little. I did not want to decide what were appropriate things for boys to have, just as I did not like my mother to always choose pretty dresses for me. Both of my sons tended to choose gender neutral or feminine toys, such as teddy bears, a pram for toy dolls, kitchen items, balls, puzzles, and their favourite colour was pink. Both of my son had a female best friend up until Prep Year. However, once they started Year One, they both told me “I don’t like those toys and I like playing with boys”. I asked my sons separately, “what makes you think in this way?”. Surprisingly, both answered confidently, “because I am a boy!”. My sons changed their preferences according to their perceived appropriateness for their identities. There is a three-year gap between my sons, but they reached their own conclusion at the same age – of course, this does not mean that everyone starts feeling this invisible pressure at this age. This could be also partly due to apparent differences between boys and girls at Primary School – uniforms, hair style, choices of extra-curricular activities and so on. I remember that my younger son still (secretly) loved his soft toys on his bed until Year Two, and we had to hide these when his friends were visiting our place.
The influence of this “invisible pressure” on our identities exists. This pressure is derived from stereotype and social expectations – also see “Ought Self”. Even if a stereotype does not entail any negatives (i.e., boys like cars more than soft toys), it can cause emotional pain if your genuine self does not fit the “stereotype”. The pressure to fit into a stereotype is invisible and thus challenging. So, I would recommend you to mindfully observe your emotions and whether such “invisible pressure” causes you any distress. If it does, changing your behaviour until it is more closely aligned with your genuine self is the first step. We cannot change stereotype or social expectations of others, but we can change our behaviour. I choose my behaviour mindfully to maintain my genuine self.